When I woke up this
morning, Jun Woh called me for several times and I didn’t answer his call. This
is because I’m not used to answering someone’s call early in the morning,
unless it is an odd number. Anyhow, I knew what’s the call for, probably asking
me what time I went to school. Come on, he could have asked the counselors before
me, and seriously keeping him accompanied wasn’t that necessary.
I arrived at school
about 10.45 am. I noticed that the teachers were quite engaged with their work
and did not notice my presence. As such, I sit there switching on my lappy and had
a light chat with Navien. After some time, Chan saw me and attended to my
matter. There was some information I would rather find shocking. The amount of
Bursary actually sums up to RM5K only, which is not definitely insufficient to
cover the tuition fees and living expenses for those who pursue A Level. I wasn’t
very convinced, so he helped me to call MOE and let me speak to the person-in-charge.
Alas, my anxiety was confirmed. He suggested me if I’m really into it, I apply
for a full tuition fees waiver and get the RM 5K (anyway, we are not guaranteed
to get the maximum amount), and so I might manage to scrape through it.
However, doubts and
qualms keep popping up. If I do A Level, I cannot pursue medicine in IPTA in
which the course fee is staggeringly cheaper than in IPTS. So there are only
two choices, stay local and do my degree in IPTS or get into TOP 10 University
in the world. Under the latest JPA policy, my chance of going overseas is nil
indeed as I really don’t think I can scrape into the prestigious and much
coveted universities with brilliant results, not-so-outstanding extra-curricular
activities and none of public services. Most importantly, I don’t even intend
to apply for it. On the other hand, I don’t want to do my degree in IPTS either
because I know what IPTA can offer me is much better. So it’s my Hobson’s
choice. A Level is OUT!!!
So now what is left?
STPM and Matriculation. He told me, if I really want to ‘reserve’ a place in
IPTA, the best thing is to enter Matriculation. He laughed it off when I showed
him my application form, where I listed Labuan as my first choice. He
encouraged me whatever it offers me, I should just go. Even if it is Labuan, it
is just a year of experience and I should take this opportunity to truly learn
to be independent. I guess he is right indeed. There’s nothing wrong for going
to rural areas to study, as long as I am able to persevere for the entire year.
After that, I’m one step ahead of everyone as I’m holding the golden ticket to
Hollywood! Hahaa..
But can I really
close my eyes, concerning its standard and quality? Can I really hold a good
grasp of knowledge as in STPM? I highly doubt it. The situation simply
resembles the saying, ‘Between the devil and the deep blue sea’.
So after some of my
enquiries were answered, I visited my 姨公 as I need his particulars to be filled in for Bursary
application. After that, he asked me to teach him on how to use his new
computer. Well, I must admit that he really is starting from zero basis, so I
guide him patiently on how to utilize his email, internet, type in Chinese
words and so on. After hours of ‘exhausting’ teaching, he gave me some words of
wisdom, for example “He who lives in hope will die in despair”. As an ordinary
human, we do have hopes, but we should not let ourselves get carried away with
the so-called hopes. This is because we will never know are they feasible, practical
and realistic enough to be materialized. Let your dreams drift in the clouds,
but keep your feet in the ground. The saying is not discouraging me from
getting what I want; it is just that we should do it within our means, failing
which it will become a scourge to the ones who care for us. I think he is
trying to tell me that I shouldn’t go overseas although he is pretty sure I can.
It is totally understandable, for his past experience was so painful for having
to funding his only child in Columbia. And I couldn’t agree more.
After years of living on a breadline, I found that my mom had really grown old and feeble. I coudn't bear anymore to see her suffering yet again for funding my education. I really should decide wisely and take stock of the consequences of my decision. Once chosen, there is no regret for me.
I think this is what’s
best for me, my mom and sister for the time being…
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