To vent out a tiny little voice

Today I did my MUET speaking
It can be summed up into one single word
Speechless
It doesn't mean that I'm taken aback by my practicum mates' standard
But the fact is that I found myself at a loss for words
I can't express myself well enough to impress my friends
My mind just turned blank for two minutes, which was more than enough to get the poorest band in MUET

I felt like crying
Words lingered at the tips of my tongue
And yet I failed to verbalise them

Am I too afraid to speak up for myself?
Am I too shy or timid to express what I'm feeling?
Am I the only one who face the severe college ill of 'speechlessness'?

I'm just not myself recently
All the tutorials, lab reports, assignments, quiz, long hours of learning are draining out all my energy
It seems like I can't even have a time for myself
To relax, to reflect and to improve.

I have serious relationship problem here
I can't get along with the chinese
Ironically, the racial discrimination stems from my race instead of the majority
They spread rumours about me to tarnish my image
They isolate me from getting all the support that I need
Most of all
They shatter my heart into pieces

Fortunately
I met someone, by the name of Nor and Tang Ker
Who have the same crazy gene as mine
We clicked into the same channel immeadiately
Exchanging jokes, giving support, and serving as my painkiller

I want to go home, so bad
I lost count of the cryings I had when I first came here
It would never cross my mind that matrix is actually so tough
Not the syllabus
But the life here

At the very least
I miss the voice reverberated throughout the house when I return home
"Dear, are you back?"

I feel so bad
I still have a lot of catching up to do
And it would be the least in my mind to join any competition now
It is simply because I can't even spare a second for it!

Exam is one month away
Seriously, I'm ill-prepared now
I'm not sure if I'm gonna pull it through
But I will try my best to make it through!

As the saying goes,
"The only person who can tell you "You can't!" is you, and you don't have to listen."